I had every intention of writing all summer long. Each day I was going to devote time to mastering this craft. I would be driven and focused and use my time wisely! I would blog daily, with quirky phrases and deep insightful wisdom for all who travel along the ALS journey. And yet. days have passed and other priorities have popped up, each one more pressing than the last.
First, I had to reorganize the garage. It was incredibly important that everything had a place, and the items collecting dust be donated. That was in June. Then I had to get the girls’ rooms decorated. Then I needed to reorganize the pantry. Then there was the trip we took and the backyard that had to be landscaped!
Then I thought that if I had my own office, I would have my own space to write. That was it! That was all I needed. So I moved my son’s room upstairs so that I could have my very own space to call my own. My very own refuge. A vacation oasis that would by my place to sit and write those next best sellers, or to blog about ALS.
Well, that was several weeks ago…
Now my excuse is that the office isn’t quite my oasis yet…but once I decorate it…then! Then it will be perfect!
I’m beginning to see a pattern here…that needs to stop…
So, I have decided to start making my writing a priority. Just like I have started making me a priority again. It isn’t easy. There are mass feelings of guilt and shame. It will be a daily struggle and it will require some serious time management on my part. It will be arguments in my own head that I will need to face. And I need to listen to myself when I tell the guilt-ridden part of me that its okay for me to do things for myself! That I don’t need to constantly be taking care of others and that this is good to have some time just for me.
When I began writing these little ALS facts of the day, I had big intentions. I would write daily about our life, so others could see what it was like to experience this. However, I let people put me down, and I let my own insecurities get in the way. And..I let my life get in the way. So while in one way I should be mad that I let even more time go by with nothing to show for it, I refuse to feel bad for that. At least I have been busy living! Which is more than I can say for most.
My fear is that these ALS facts will simply turn into an avenue of me complaining in a poorly written diary. That is not what I want this to be. However, maybe there was a reason I couldn’t come up with a wittier name. Maybe it truly should be just about little facts about ALS every day and what our lives are like now, with those three letters looming around us all the time.
So, hopefully I can get out of my own way and start writing more often. For those of you who may follow me, I hope you enjoy the new approach. I promised personal and I guess it’s time I deliver on that.
After all, why sensor it? It is messy, and ugly and dirty. It is beautiful and funny and at times endearing and heart-wrenching. It is also a journey worth writing about.
So I guess, tomorrow? Same time, same place?