Murphy’s Law…

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Bad things happen in three’s. This is a true story about those three things…a computer, procrastination and panic, and a razor.

***
I woke up this morning, knowing I need to hurry up and get out of bed. I am mentally preparing myself for the fact that I have to scramble to pick up the house before company comes over. My computer had been glitching out the night before, and I had an ethics paper due by midnight tonight. I did my usual and procrastinated. Of course, as soon as I realized I really needed to start the paper, my screen went blank.

“okay…what just happened?”

I turn off the computer, count slowly to 30. Then hit the button and see the light appear. I try again. A few minutes later, as I am reading what the assignment entails, the screen goes blank again!
“Oh no!” Heart pounds, anxiety level increases, brow furrows.
Options?
1. I can grab one of my children’s laptops. They don’t have Microsoft word, and I don’t remember any of my passwords to get online for my classes.
2. Cry and whine about it and feel as if life is cruel and unjust. Lament at how technology hates me and try to come up with a believable story to the professor as to why I can’t turn a paper in, that I have had more than enough time to finish.
3. Text message and appeal to Microsoft professionals that I need help, and hopefully they take pity on my plight and offer their assistance!

I went with Option 2 and 3!

Text message appears that help will arrive in the morning! (It helps to know people!) I quickly calculate that I only need about 3 hours to pull this paper off and make it look like I know what I am talking about, so anxiety level goes back down! I’ve still got time!

What do I do instead?

I stay up till midnight, because of course that makes sense!
Matthew wakes me at least 8 more times, till finally, in the wee hours of sunrise, he finally falls into a deep sleep. Who am I to wake a sleeping giant? I sleep too! Until suddenly, my phone has a text message that my knight in shining armor and his lovely assistant are arriving as soon as they eat breakfast!
Matthew is still sleeping, the house looks like miniature terrorists have been camping out for weeks and I am pretty sure I can not get away with a perfume bath for the day! So I lay there, pondering how I can get at least one of my children to bring me that sweet nectar of life that I need in order to function each day.

Not a single sound can be heard, and the teenager isn’t answering her text messages with my plea for coffee.

Damn!

I must get it myself.

Then I realize I have spent more time trying to coerce people into bringing me coffee and I have less time to get Matthew up, brushed, washed and medicated now.

With a flurry of activity, I start yelling at my children to help!

“Kaden, put the clean dishes away…Richelle clean up the couch!”
They grudgingly comply.

I manage to get everything looking as if I have had it all together to begin with, and jumped in the shower, when I hear the dog bark. This tells me that I need to speed things along, as company (AKA – Microsoft god who can fix my technology issues because I procrastinated and have to get my computer fixed in time to write a paper I care nothing about, nor have read any of the material on, ! Shhhh..don’t tell the instructor!) has arrived!

I lather and begin to scrub my body and reach for my new fancy HENRY razor!

Dog keeps barking, as I am shaving…with my good arm…because now I have a pulled muscle in my shoulder from lifting Matthew a few nights before, and a wrist that has severe inflammation and tendinitis… again, from moving Matthew. So essentially, I am down to one good arm!

Did I mention that this new razor is AMAZING!? Yep, best razor I have ever used!
Until I notice I have given myself about four tiny cuts around my ankle from that razor!

WAIT! Cause it gets better!

I look down and can’t believe I have cut myself so badly.

I keep shaving, still trying to hurry…
And I cut myself again with that new razor, just under my knee!

What the..?

I go to switch legs, and the dog barks. Now this is the strangest part of all!

I turn my head to yell at the dog who is actually on the other side of the house. Why I am screaming from inside the shower to get the dog to stop barking is beyond comprehension at this moment. I go to switch legs, and somehow, and I still have no idea how I did this, I slip my razor across my nipple in my rush.

I kind of glance down in disbelief, hand stopping in midair.

Did I really just cut my nipple with my HENRY razor?

Then the stinging begins, followed by droplets of blood.

I am not the most graceful of creatures. I know this. Everyone who knows me, knows this! In fact, I believe Matthew has referred to me as a “Bull in a China Shop” more times than I can count.

But seriously….I cut my nipple?

So, I rinse off, step out of the shower, grab a towel to dry off. I look down. I am dripping blood from my boob to my feet! It is everywhere!

I didn’t think nipples and face wounds were in the same category for blood and gore, but apparently they are!

I am trying to get dressed, but it looks as if Freddy Krueger took a few slices at me, and I am smearing blood all over me, trying to dry off! I keep rushing, trying to throw a little make-up on, and not look like I have been in a bloody war zone when I emerge from my bathroom, when I jab my eye with the mascara wand.

That was it!

I ran out of the bathroom. I was liable to get hurt worse than I already had and could not be trusted alone!

Alls well that ends well however!

The computer appears to be fine. We had a lovely visit and I am not doomed to bleed out from my poor nipple anytime soon!
I am trying to find the lesson in procrastination and razors and nipples, but nothing comes to mind at the moment.

But if you ever wanted to experience a moment in a caregiver’s life, I thought I would be as open and honest as I could be, just to make you understand some of the trials we face on a daily basis!

Some are self-inflicted, and some are out of our control!
We just gotta take the good with the bad, I guess!

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